5 Oct 2008

Letter to Ajji

Dearest Grandma,

It’s been quite some time I wrote to you; uh haa 10 years perhaps. I am not fine and also hopelessly lost by the way; Momma and Poppa too are. Except for “Gunda” who now does not like to be referred like that :). She is "Vatti" for people!

Grandpa is fine, still doesn’t agree that he should stay with us. The talks we made asking him to come here failed and finally we had to give up. He is very much into Yoga now. Oh man how could I forget that you both almost talk every day. I am sure he would have told you about why I am so lost.

Lets get into details later, how are you? Did you meet him? Your favourite “Guru Raghavendra swamy”. Does he look the same? Like how we see in the photos? Does he wear that orange dupatta, err khaavi batte on his head there also, and what about the other list of gods whom you used to worship? You must have met them all by now. Is it cold there? So many questions I know, you can answer them while you speak with grandpa next time, and I shall get to know from him, or even better you can come in my dreams. We can talk there, but your daughter wouldn’t let me sleep after 5:30am. So we won’t have much time to talk, I think its fair enough if you tell grandpa.

You know even now, I wash my hands before I eat, when I am using spoon for having that not-so-good-puliyogre in the food court. I miss the puliyogre you used to make, the way you used to spread out the white rice in that big bowl and get it to the hall. There is no fan in the kitchen hence the bowl used to be placed just below fan on the teepoy. After few minutes you used to get the fresh mix, with lots of kadlekaayibeeja & pour on top of the warm rice. Then carefully you mixed them together using hands so that we dont end up getting only plain rice without the masala. Momma always uses the spatula now, & uses ready to eat mix and I always end up getting those lumps of plain rice when I eat. :(

Its not just puliyogare, but that many more things that you made. It’s too bad that you dint teach momma the right recipes, or maybe you did and she doesn’t remember them well.

I still never forget to tell a "Sorry" when I realize that I’ve hurt someone. Over the years I have learnt that a sorry along with a hug does wonders, hmmm it actually takes out the guilt out of you completely for the wrong you did. I have been a good granddaughter :)

(Psst Psst: Tell grandpa that you’re proud of me, next when you talk with him and please do not tell him that I asked you to do it. Innocence at its heights it will be)

Coming back to why I am lost; where do I start from, hell lots of blunders that exist that .......

I am fed up of “whatever happens happens for good” happenings. I want something good to actually happen. I don’t want to learn anymore from such happenings.

People who simply can’t stay along, almost invade into my life like twister..call it suntaragaali in kannada, stay for a while, causing things like curiosity, hope, sometimes dreams too, to whirl around my life in a perfect zoom and then suddenly they leave, only to make the place they stayed a junkyard.

Finally I hear “whatever happens happens for good!!! This is how you learn in life”. I have learned enough from all of them who did that. Can you believe, now I almost know how to quit from all kinds of alliances that exist in the world, starting from whom you chose to whom your parents chose?

They do it so cleverly that I literally took some time to get enlightened that they haha, well you know what I mean right. I am totally lost, and so is everyone around. You said god plays fair always; please ask him to consider this request of mine. I prefer not to play any game starting from now, until he assures me I’ll not be in the receiving end.

I can’t even sleep on Momma’s lap coz she will be worried that am lost. We both pretend that we are fine. If you’re free tonight please come in my dreams. I need your lap. For a minute at least, to find “the hopelessly lost myself”.

Your Granddaughter


Anonymous said...

I wish you get back your luck soon sweetie..Grandma in case your listening, she needs you. Please do bless her

The Kingmaker said...

Loved this one actually!!!! Especially the "whatever happens....." cos we both are on the same page. At the same time dont worry I am sure ur grandma will be with you.

ಕಿಶೋರ್ said...

I guess,what Iam tring to say is, you took her lost very hard,,,
I hope you learned through experiences that sometimes it is better to continue on forward instead of trying to repair the past,,, She lives in front of you (she lives there alone by her own desire)You cant see :)

humbl devil said...

direct dil se...
hope your wish comes true...

Anonymous said...

i would be happy to give u my lap bt den i dont want any dislocations.On a serious note hope u make da rgt decision..

Dums said...

Loved this blog...