11 Aug 2009

H(ey) 1 N(o) 1

The two letters that are in news these days are H and N. Yes while the world is shivering, coughing and sneezing H1N1 let us see what the “Mango People” (Err Aaam Jantha for people who haven’t watched Love Aaj Kal) are doing about this swine influenza A virus

Doctors: I should take advantage of this situation. Let me refer all common cold, sore throat cases for H1N1 diagnosis and this way I will get my mamool commission from laboratories.

Pathologists: I should plan different tariffs for such referrals. One for techies, one for regular person who hasn’t even gone out of home off late, one for people who travel outside often. Before the government centers are set-up and take charge, & that is known to people I should launch offer somewhat like “2 adult tested can get 1 child tested for free”

A school going kid: There is test tomorrow that I don’t want to take. I should cough a lot and tell maam that I am feeling sick. This way I can escape the test and get off for a week.

Recession affected techie: Yay I finally got an excuse for the questions relatives bombard “Neenu Foreign ge hogalwa”. I will create that panic saying swine flu is most affected in US so I do not want to take risk although I had an offer from company lately.

Paapa Pandu type hubby: Finally I can save all the money wife spends on PVR. This weekend when she asks for a movie I shall tell her that it’s too risky to go to a crowded place. There may be infected people around. Also I can avoid going to the market; let her buy veggie from the gaadiwala.

Sriramalu: I thought this is the most secure, non-risky department in the cabinet. Moreover I don’t even know or understand what these doctors tell me. Nor they convey what they want. Let me visit Tirupathi and woo Balaji to somehow get me out of this mishap. I will get 50+ crore crown if he helps me.

Ayurvedic doctor: Someone has spread the rumor that munching 25 Tulsi leaves will cure swine flu. I should get very few Tulsi leaves grind and mix it with honey, dilute it with lots of water, & get them in bottles. There is very less time. Finally ayurveda to the rescue; this will lessen those English doctor’s fame and their ego.

Salesman at signal lights: These soft cloths, ear buds or India maps are not worth selling. I should get some masks and sell them for a higher price. May be I should reach the air-port signal. Sales will hit sky high and I will become rich because of the rich disease.

Finally Me: I am totally fed up receiving mails on this disease, let me reply to who-ever mails me with, Swine Flu spreads through e-mails also; at least then my mailbox will not be flooded. "Aiii Choooo". OMG, seenu; Do I have it?