24 Aug 2011

Letter to Maama

Nanna mudhu maama,

Yesterday I was talking with Pati about, oh wait, I haven’t introduced you to my Pati, yes maama your kid is all grown up now & handling a household (not technically but yeah). Meet Vinay, who is taking all my tantrums & yet doesn’t complain a bit, & maama you need no introduction to Pati. We talk about you all the time.

I tell him how you would come to my school at the end of every final exam to pick & take me straight to ajji mane. You would have also told ajji to make “gulab jamoons” & together we would eat after lunch. I remember how everyone were scared to wake you up during your afternoon nap, I would just pounce you, sit on your tummy and say “maama yedhLi” and you never yell at me. How can I forget you lifting me every time we went to chunchungiri for pooja? I was so proud of you when you quit smoking after your engagement with that lady.

You wouldn’t believe I still have all the audio cassette collections. The one you had numbered alphabetically and had the numbers written against the movie names on a sheet of paper. I had no idea that day, today it will be reserved as a memory, as your memory. If today I am called filmi, it’s all coz of you. Remember how you bunked work and we went first day first show for all the movies, Kannada/Hindi, some very good ones and some real crappy ones; these days its Pati who gets punishment with crap stuff.

We cleaned your room few months back, & I found “Badhukalu kaliyiri” book in your wardrobe. Did you really have to leave us after reading that book? Dad gets to hear a lot of stuff from me for that one mistake of his. That fault which did not let me get one last glimpse of yours. In his defense I was young, but today when I realize I wasn’t there at your cremation, it breaks me, rips me apart. How horrifying it would have been for your soul for not having me, your lovely sose, by your side while you bid farewell from the materialistic world.

I have done it quite a few times maama, doing it again, I am sorry. But I have been with ajji for the short span she was with us; always in your memories, weeping and sobbing for losing her jigar ka tukda. I have also yelled at ass relatives who suggested that grandpa should re-marry coz the son has been lost. & every time mom had nightmares I have been by her side too, consoling her that her brother is always around, never gone. About grandpa, I have no words, for what all he went through, he is doing great now. I am sure he still keeps thuthu in his plate for you & ajji. I think I’ll break now, I should stop.

Before I go, I’ll promise you that no matter what, your room and everything inside will be untouched. Even when we take a decision to alter the house. I know you rest there, in peace and in happiness.