14 Mar 2023

37 years of "no" self-love.

37 years of "no" self-love. 

March 30th. Exams are over. So no birthdays at school. No colour dress, none fighting over who will be my 'best-friends on my birthday'. 

Back home, my father didn't believe in birthday-cake cutting. So no cake-bisibelebath-chips parties also. Sometimes no-one even wished. 

Imagine how much of a trauma it is for an 'attention' lover that I am. Che!!! I'd once told all my friends that my parents didn't know my birthday hence they didn't celebrate it like "normal" kids did. #WipesTears 

Maybe that is why I have been persistent, (read idiotic) about birthday presents. Sometimes I plug in hints to my friends, sometimes I say it out loud, most of the time I create wish list also. The joy of receiving gifts is the favourite part of my birthday. I look forward to it. Big small huge, surprises make me jump in joy. 

The last time someone took that effort without me having to cajole them was my ex. 20 Gifts for my 20th Birthday. Oh he’d gotten it all right, so cute. That was also the first time I CUT CAKE. (Insert shocking dramatic music) YES that's right, I cut a birthday cake when I was 20! Anyhooo...

Many birthday, many celebrations, many craziness later cut to today
 while picking a gift for someone else (it is not even an occasion) I am 37 and will turn 38 this year (no worries in telling age plus I look younger so that's OK)  I realised that I have been doing this birthday gifts all WRONG. I am still trying to give hints, send links saying "hey look so cute no?". I think I am done with this. Time to grow up, unlearn and embrace the fact that I can myself pick what i want, I can myself choose what I like and I don't think 'who gave what' shouldn't matter. 

It's time for some self love. No more expectations. No more anticipations. No more looking forward to 'someone' making me feel good. I can and I will do it' for myself. 


P.S: This is not one of the ways to make you guys buy gifts, I promise! 



Meghana said...

Happy Birthday in Advance 🙂 and this definitely makes me feel like buying something for myself!!