28 Jan 2013

Race 2

Disclaimer: This review is barring "Deepika's sexiness" & "I want John now feeling" & "Oh Saif is drool material" & "Ameesha is the new Ayesha Takia" & "Line hodi to Jacqueline" * finally "Anil Kapoor is really funny" frame of minds ok?

Race 2 is a sequel of the underground mafia guys from Race 1 (???). If only they were buried down under for signing such a movie and Abbas-Mastan, you guys deserve big applaud, for delivering an awesome comedy.

I don't know how everyone gets access of hotel terrace; usually its takloos who walk with limousine type suitcase used to carry violins but instead have sniper rifle and such. No one has any problem. This guy shoots car and it blows, like he put bomb from the rifle. Then instead of leaving the "crime scene (???)", he sends MMS to Boss who gave supari, waits for Saif to run towards him, takes the same route from where Saif is arriving, gets shocked to see Saif and runs in opposite direction. WTF idiot, you had a gun!!!

He runs Saif chases He runs Saif chases He runs Saif chases, for 10 minutes, until takloo gets a car and Saif gets a motor boat, which he overtakes the car and kills him off. Yeah, just like that.

I should talk about one of the best robbery I witnessed. Dacoits fall from helicopter, attach wires to train bogies, unhook the bogie off the train and lift entire bogie to steal currency paper. Kudos man, kudos!!!

After loads of stupidity, John and Saif are now friends. The typical harke jeetne waale ko Baazigar err Saudagar err whatever kehthe hai scene, Deepika, John's sister, who kills men after turning them horny is fida on Saif. Be it emotional or romantic or shocking scene, Jacqueline is having only one face - "the porn face". No seriously!!!

Saif is fooling John. John is using Jacqueline to pretend that she is Saif's saali and she is fooling Saif. John thinks he is fooling Saif. But Deepika is being fooled by her brother so she wants to fool him back being with Saif. Saif asks Deepika to pretend that she is fooling Saif but actually fooling John. Anil Kapoor is fooling John by saying he is fooling Saif and Saif is being told by Deepika that Anil is fooling him by not fooling John.

*Yeah scratch head*

Everyone thinks it's a fool proof plan.

They fool the church that they have stolen shroud, which even Hollywood ever could. But actually it's in the church only. Exit from church's charanDi and exit from another charanDi like Klean Krishnappa happens. Between "who-fooled-whom" fight, Saif is killed by putting poison to glass.

Best climax ever: In the private jet flight, when John is about to kill Deepika because she is a bhoj to him, Saif enters via John's uber cool car. Fight starts and John throws an armed weapon at Saif, that hits the window pane and it breaks. The plane starts wobbling and the pilot (there is no co-pilot) instead of landing the flight is shaken and shouting "Hey what is happening, please stop stop".

John and his girlfriend win the fight and fall off from flight with help of parachute after killing the pilot. Saif vrooms off from the plane, in John's car, that as soon as it's in air, opens four parachutes. I also saw Saif pointing and laughing at John, for having four-wheeler landing whereas John has self landing.

It's the time John realizes he is the biggest fool and rest not. Jacqueline makes a porn face and leaves him, & now we all have to wait for Race 3.

*slits wrist*

4 Jan 2013

On 4th I have 4 questions


1. Police Inspector and his left leg?


Being a cop’s daughter this question as to why inspector’s left leg is on the footboard was often shot to me at school, plus I was curious too. I diligently took them back home. Initially it was funny and father laughed, then he turned violent. I hid the laaTi. Anyways he did come up with an answer which did not come close to what the question was “How would I know my jeep has a door, hence I don’t know”


2. What is that formula?


“Formula kodu formula kodu”, else I will torture your mom to death, says every villain amidst colorful beakers letting out some white smoke in chemistry lab. I always wanted to know what the hell this formula was. Dare they ask this “formula” logic to Sheldon? Plus the hero never came up with something genuine like handwritten notes; it was either some object or solution.


3. What’s in that suitcase?


Every ill family member expected someone to run (yeah not ride) but run to “family doctor (?)” in often rainy night to get him. OK, somewhat makes sense, but what the hell was in the suitcase of the doctor? It looked like heroine’s vanity case to me. This family member is required to run behind (always) the doctor holding the suitcase, till doctor held injection high towards light did some naTak and gave injection without swabbing. Oh also run behind him with suitcase. Family doctor? From cold to cholera, Gastritis to gynecology, same doctor?


4. What is there to laugh?


Every time a bride is got to the room, for the first night, bunch of girls keep laughing. It’s like an indication to the hero that she’s arriving, get things straight (erm literally too)? How come we never heard any naughty joke being cracked before the laugh? Pray tell me why does she even require those girls, can’t she walk? That cannot walk logic is after the night no?


That’s it, I am writing for Sandalwood. Rockline uncle, I am coming!!!

2 Jan 2013

ThaTT anta heLi

Rewind time 6 yrs, I was this “oh-Kannada-dha-Kanda-Naanu” types. Excited about Kaveri fights and insulting the neighbor’s yada-yada nonsense. In one of such Kannada-abhimaani movements, I became part of a sanghatane, that had access to ThaT anta heLi, the longest ever running program on Chandana channel. Yes chandana is Kannada version of doordarshan but however before you judge this show has completed 1,900 episodes without any sponsorship. Obviously who’d agree to sponsor “that” channel for a program that runs at “9:30pm” especially when that is the same time people will be wondering “yendu aadevu naavu mukta mukta mukta”?


“Who would be interested to take part in “ThaTT anta heLi”, came a mail one day.


If you know me, you should very well know that I am attention seeker, limelight lover and things like that. What if it’s a boring channel, I am blood bonded with people who find the program to be higher than KBC, so why not try I thought and replied a “yes”


March 2008, I was scheduled to be part of the show. After too much security scrutiny, I, mother and sister reached the reception of Doordarshan studio, Bangalore. If there is any word opposite to that of “reception”, that place was that. Old Onida TV was running some UGC program, the chairs broken, the err nvm.


“Who is the participant”, asked one maarimuthu type lady.


“That would be me”, I said.


She took me to a dungeon type room, and said “make-up maaDbeku


I freaked. She started mixing foundation loose powder with water and made a paste sorts. There was a puff that was almost dark brown colored to which she smeared the paste and came very near to my face. I shouted.


“I have done make-up already, NO”


“Excuse me, this is not enough, you won’t look nice on camera, let me apply”


 I had to tell her.


“Aunty, the puff looks so dirty and that make-up will ruin my skin”


Ayyo comman man bandru same puff-u CM bandru same puff-u. ni baramma


I ran away quoting phone call. Then spoke to some admin lady of that program and she spoke to maarimuthu, finally I did my own make-up. Then we were taken to the studio, where the episode is shot.


Due to heavy rains the studio roof was leaky. There were exactly 5 buckets to collect the rain water and the cameraman was holding an umbrella (trust me not exaggerating) I witnessed few episodes that were shot and started getting tensed. Bleedy, participants had really taken that show seriously, one fellow won all the books and his fellow contestants did not win a single book. I also observed one very important fact, the quiz master NaSo, did not handshake woman, but did only namskara.


Then, they called my name, along with a doctor and a housewife. NaSo wiped sweat off his forehead, err actually full head. “Oh ibbaru mahiLeyaru obba purusha, haagidalli Madhya purusha kurali akka pakka mahiLeyaru kurali”, this was the opening line by him.


I suppressed by Kashinath moment then and sat on the chair. “Buzzer check maDkoLi” was the next line by NaSo. It had a switchboard (really huge) and a switch on it. To press that was a big saahasa on its own. This switch was connected to a red bulb and a buzzer, that would buzz and then the light would glow. All the buzzers were working well, thankfully.


Next was photo time, please look at the camera instructed one guy from the first floor, whose only voice was heard and he wasn’t to be seen. I saw the camera and they took the pic, this was for the scorecard photo after end of every round. Trust me I looked so horrible coz I hadn’t smiled.


The recording started with introductions in “swacha Kannada”, housewife said “pustaka ododu, padabandha madodu”, I thought it was like “watching TV and listening to music”, but damn she was serious. Karmakanda. She was pressing the buzzer like mental.


I started having panic attacks for that, forget knowing answers I was not even let to press the buzzer. So I decided I will press it even if I don’t know the answer. My sister had initially warned me, “even if you are taking a guess, muchkonDu oohe anta heLu”. Co-incidentally a question was repeated from the previous recording (yes paying attention works), I succeeded in hitting it first.


“How many xyz exists in abc state?” was the question

“4”, I said

Uthara gotho or oohe no?”, NaSo asked

“I said I know”


Obviously I knew the answer, but he asked “name the xyz”


“I am not able to recollect”, I said. Bleedy so embarrassing it was. Won a book.


Then came “play one song and name singers” round. It was easy-peesy. Sadhya, won a book.


I am not sure for which other question I won a book, but I did. Probably for that math related puzzle.


Housewife won 6, me 3 and Doctor 3. That was the finally tally. & when NaSo gave me my books, I made sure I did one “dod namskara” instead of a handshake.


Between what all happened between “takes “, don’t ask. NaSo started asking doctor how the brain looked (the ones they use in studio as their logo), both started eating each other’s brain and I almost had a seizure.


Shit, headache already started. Ond anacin kodrappa!!!